Where Is Love?  

Where is Love?



I was starving and couldn’t believe there was a line in the restaurant at 8:00 in the morning. I was staying at the Holiday Inn in Denver, Colorado and I don’t know if it was the time change or what but I woke up hungry. In fact, I was so hungry, I made a decision this prideful self seldom makes. I threw on the faded baggy shorts and t-shirt I brought for hanging out in the room and came downstairs without benefit of a shower, makeup, brushed teeth, combed hair, or contact lens. I expected to skulk into the restaurant, grab my two eggs from the buffet, and rush back to my room. Apparently, God didn’t care what I looked like or how I felt about it because He chose that moment to send an assignment.

I put my name on the breakfast list and stood beside a kindly looking couple that looked to be in their late fifties. (see pictures in the Photo Gallery under Colorado – Downtown Denver.) “Let’s find another place to eat,” the man said impatiently. “I don’t want to wait.”

“How far would we have to walk?” the wife questioned.

As I listened to their grumbles, I noticed their accent. “Where are your from?” I asked.

“Ireland,” the man answered, his face growing immediately warm. That was when I noticed that his eyes had what I call “smile lines.” Smile lines are those cute tiny lines around the eyes that let you know someone has spent years laughing.

“Welcome to America. My maiden name is Milligan so I guess I’m part Irish. I’ve never been but my daughter tells me Ireland is beautiful,” I answered. “I hope to go one day.” We introduced ourselves. Eammon and Anne were in the United States for their niece’s wedding and for a holiday.

“Ireland isn’t what it used to be,” Eammon frowned, shaking his head. “We need the immigrants for the economy but our country’s changing. People don’t care about family anymore and our values are changing.”

“America’s family values have declined in my lifetime,” I remarked.

“America’s been wealthy long enough for it to be leveling out,” Eammon replied.

I laughed. “So you think wealth is why Ireland’s values are declining.”

“Yes,” Eammon said. “I’m interested in history. You can look at any country and see the decline wealth brings.”

“What about religion?” I asked. “Do you think people’s response to religion has anything to do with their values? Is church attendance declining in Ireland?”

“I guess religion helps,” he said begrudgingly. “We go to the Catholic Church. Many people in Ireland go to church.”

I realized we’d been leaving Anne out of the conversation. I turned to her. “Are you enjoying yourselves in America?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “This is my first time here. I can’t get over your restaurants. They serve so much food.”

Again, I laughed. “Yes, America likes to eat. I guess it goes back to that wealth thing.”

Eammon said, “I think you Americans got used to eating a lot when you were riding on the range and you just never stopped.” I tried to remember my family history and if my family could use that excuse. Had we ever ridden the range?

About that time, the waitress offered Eammon and Anne a table. “Would you like to join us?” Eammon said.

“Certainly,” I said, wondering if they would guess I’d skipped a bath and brushing my teeth. I figured they had already spent 20 minutes with me so they knew what they were getting into.

As we sat down, they asked about me. They were interested in my travels and writing and asked a lot of questions. “Doesn’t your husband travel with you?” Anne asked.

“No,” I said.

“Why not?” she asked probingly.

I’ve done this long enough to know that many wonder about the health of my marriage. “Bob is a student and has a job at the college. He and I have been married 35 years. He helps with my ministry. It is hard for us to be apart but this is a calling for both of us.”

“Thirty-Five years,” Eammon said. “That’s how long we’ve been married. You must know how hard it is.”

I felt it. It was that moment when the conversation turned holy. I knew to probe. Their marriage was the key to talking about God in their lives. “Thirty-five years,” I said. “Congratulations.” I took a deep breath and decided to be blunt. “Are you still in love?”

“No!” said Eammon quickly. “I don’t believe in love.”

Anne colored and winced. Quietly she said, “We’re very different. We like different things. Today he’s taking a tour of the mountains and I’m going to museums.”

“We should never have gotten married,” Eammon explained. “We’ve learned to work things out so we could stay married but it’s been hard. But you must know what we’re talking about.”

“Eammon,” I asked. “You said you go to church. Do you believe in Godly love?”

“Yes,” he said. “God loves us and we can love Him but I don’t believe in love between a man and woman.”

“Marriage takes a lot of work,” I agreed. “There have been times I stayed with Bob because I was deeply in love with him and other times I stayed out of commitment. Since I’ve decided to stay with him, I figure I’ll be happier if I work on loving him too.”

“How do you do that?” Anne asked.

“Does your church encourage you to read the Bible?” I questioned.

“No,” Eammon said. “Catholics are not encouraged to read the Bible.”

“That’s changed in America,” I said. “My Catholic friends all read the Bible. Anne, for Bob and me, the answer is in the Bible. I read the Bible every morning. It tells me how to live. The answer to a happy marriage is in there.”

“What translation do you read?” Eammon asked.

“I prefer something called the American Standard Bible but I have Bible Software and actually use them all.”

Eammon said, “The Bible is too hard to understand. In Ireland, our Bible has the words of the Bible at the top of the page and then over half of the page is someone explaining to us what it is saying.”

“My Bible has a commentary in it as well and I use it sometimes. Mostly, I ask the Holy Spirit to interpret it for me. Since the Bible is God’s Holy Word, I figure God is capable of explaining it to me. Are you both a Christian?” I gave them my definition of what being a Christian meant and they had both asked Jesus to be a part of their life. “If you are a Christian, the Holy Spirit is a part of your life. If you ask, He will tell you what the Bible means. Is God a part of your relationship?”

“I’d have to say no,” Eammon said thoughtfully. “We both have our relationship with Him but He isn’t part of our marriage.”

“The Bible tells me in the book of Proverbs, Chapter 31, how to be a good wife,” I said to Anne. “I always suggest women study it.”

Prov 31:10-31
An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all." Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. NASU


I looked at Eammon and said, “The Bible says a man is to love his wife the way Christ loved the church. That is a lot of love. If that love came naturally, I don’t believe God would have taken the time to command it. For me, love is a decision. My husband and I not only decided to stay married, we decided to stay in love. We have dates. We sit in church together holding hands. We read the Bible and pray together. I believe in marital love because the Bible says it exists and because I’m experiencing it. I’m more in love with my husband today than when I married him. Because our love includes a spiritual relationship and there is no end to God’s love, there is no limit to how much I can love my husband. Yes, it is a lot of work but it is worth the trouble.”

Eph 5:25-26
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, NASU


After we finished eating, I said, “I talk about my marriage in my book. I’d like to give you a copy as a gift.” Their faces lit up and I ran upstairs to get them a copy of Pocket Full of Quarters. After I gave him the book, Eammon hugged me and insisted I sign it. He thanked me and I left to go upstairs to shower, brush my teeth, put on makeup and dress in better clothes. I briefly thought about what I looked like. Is Eammon wondering how my husband could love me looking like this? I decided that maybe it really didn’t matter what I look like.

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Cheryle M. Touchton is the Director of Pocket Full of Change Ministries. For more information or to schedule a speaker for an event, go to www.pocketfullofchange.org or call Cheryle Touchton at 904-614-3585.

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